I was told about patience
and coming alongside
their emotions
I was prepared for less sleep
and less sex
I surrendered my hygiene
and my core
but nobody warned me
that parenting was made
for extroverts
that I would pretend
to have to pee
just to close a door
that I would ask my children
if we could play
the jail game again
where they stuff me between
two chairs
and throw a blanket
over me
and that I would tell them
even after their third try
to free me
that I wasn’t rehabilitated yet
I sat today
on the kitchen floor
back against the fridge
mommy needs nobody to talk to her
for a few minutes, ok
and I closed my eyes
fantasizing about the solitude
of ashrams
entrance exams
tanning beds
then my son slides
a piece of paper
around the corner
it has hearts on it
in green
which is my favourite colour
and my name
and his name
inside the biggest one
which is when I remember
that there is no balance
in a day
or a decade
but that the aloneness
will come
and I will savour it
and then
I will not.