It’s the middle of the night
and you are trying
to open my eyelids
I am too tired
to fend you off
with words
so I burrow my head
under the covers
like a dying bug
you are whispering
as if this makes
it better
mama mama
I continue to pretend
I am asleep
though you have now
also turned the lights on
a screaming brightness
like blowtorches to my eyes
mama mama
if zero died
would the other numbers
be sad
you ask me this
with your nose
touching mine
and I cannot decide
which hurts more
the choke of this exhaustion
or the weight
of so much love.