I should have sensed the mood turning
when he insisted on walking down the alley
in my crocs and a t-shirt
in the snow
but his granny was waiting
and though he was crying
I thought if I can just get his jacket on
get in the car
drop them at Science World
wham
he smashes his water bottle
against the bridge of my nose
we all stop
like you do when a kid falls down
and you wait for the cry
I am surprised at how mad I am
the kind of mad that is too big
for someone this little
he cries first
and my husband says
it’s the guilt
but I don’t think he knows remorse yet
this is my moment
not his
they say you will fall madly in love
with your child
that it will change you forever
but it’s not the falling
that transforms you
it’s the finding
your way back.