It is one of those nights
my bones don’t fit me
my head tossing
my to-do list
like a juggler in the dark
a hum of panic in the quiet
I am stuck
upside down
like a fly
in a web
I nurse the little one
lying beside her
in the pool of sand
that somehow travelled
with her after the bath
then the older one wakes up
a nightmare
about jam
I am a lunatic
soothing another
telling him
over and over
strawberries
can’t feel pain
I end up on the couch
cursing the invention
of decorative blankets
the sun ignores
my plea for more time
dumping a flood
of light into the room
I watch the dust dance
wondering
did it perform all night
or is it twirling now
just for me.