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Samantha’s Daily Poem

January 6, 2016

The nose nipple

I was actually feeling pretty good
new boots
nice poncho
a compliment today
on my hair

until I got home
and my daughter asked me

why you have nipple
on your nose, mama

I tell her it’s a mole
but she ignores me
and tells her brother
about the nipple

my husband looks at me
with no sympathy
since a few minutes earlier
our son had tried
to make him feel better

dad, you’re not as fat
as Winnie the Pooh

now the kids are asleep
and my husband’s at the gym
and I have eaten quite a lot
of butter

I suddenly remember
the time when I was pregnant
getting into the shower
and my son asked me

mama, is your bum growing big
so that the baby
can come out that way

I laugh so hard
I wake my daughter up
so I go in and lie next to her
whispering to her
what I realize they have been
saying to us all along

you’re perfect
you’re perfect



January 5, 2016

Falling asleep with my kids

It’s the same every time
I wake up
in my clothes
like I’ve been drugged
and left in this small bed

I lay in the dark for a while
feeling hungover
trying to remember
what I have due tomorrow
what window of work I have wasted

I walk to the bathroom
like an old person
I brush my teeth slowly
stopping to yawn

I pass my husband in the hallway
I put my hand up
and I shake my head
the moment is silent
but he knows what it means

I lost

I remember the part
when I was hanging on
but the undertow of fatigue
got me again

I lie down in my own bed
curled up
like an abandoned thing

I fall back asleep
and dream I am flying
free and high and light.

January 4, 2016

Parenting was made for extroverts

I was told about patience
and coming alongside
their emotions

I was prepared for less sleep
and less sex

I surrendered my hygiene
and my core

but nobody warned me
that parenting was made
for extroverts

that I would pretend
to have to pee
just to close a door

that I would ask my children
if we could play
the jail game again
where they stuff me between
two chairs
and throw a blanket
over me

and that I would tell them
even after their third try
to free me
that I wasn’t rehabilitated yet

I sat today
on the kitchen floor
back against the fridge

mommy needs nobody to talk to her
for a few minutes, ok

and I closed my eyes
fantasizing about the solitude
of ashrams
entrance exams
tanning beds

then my son slides
a piece of paper
around the corner

it has hearts on it
in green
which is my favourite colour
and my name
and his name
inside the biggest one

which is when I remember
that there is no balance
in a day
or a decade
but that the aloneness
will come
and I will savour it
and then
I will not.

Posted In: Parenthood | 2 comments
January 3, 2016

Being two

I forgot this phase
the unquenchable want

how you wake up desperate
for my iphone

how you want to use the bathmat
for a blanket
even when I tell you
how gross that is

how you want everything you hear
like today you wanted to be
a screenplay
and a postal code

and yet for some reason
you never tell me
that you want to cuddle

you just whisper

remember the deer, mama

and then you wrap yourself
into my neck
your breath warm
that lovely beast
an excuse
to be still.

January 2, 2016

New Years

I do what I always do
before New Years

a binge on motivational books
each subtitle
a promise
that I believe
with an unflappable premonition
of invincibility

this year I tell my husband
that I am going to
choose joy

he is quiet
then says

I’m going to stop
being a fat moody prick

which I suppose is
sort of the same thing

and then when everyone is asleep
I think about the car ritual
he has with our son
how they drive along
pointing out strangers on the street
looking for a Janet
or a Danny
and always finding lots
of Bobs

I laugh in the quiet house
and then I add to my list

I choose this.

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