When my husband is away
and my baby is asleep
the little robot inside me

that just takes care of things

sputters and crumples
and lays on its side
unresponsive.

I thought that with the extra time
I would pamper myself
a long bath
paint my toes
read that novel everyone says is so good

but instead I allow a flat daze
to envelop me

I eat handfuls of cereal
I watch youtube
I stay up late
for no reason

it is strangely peaceful
this quiet place of no harm
but no hint
of nurture.